TALL TALES
Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 06:33
TALL TALES... TALL TALES... TALL TALES... TALL TALES...
Here`s your chance to "stretch the truth"!
________________
Hi Folks,
I don`t know about you, but I believe life is just too short not to have a good chuckle once in a while and do a little "leg pulling" with good friends. I believe that a little teasing and repartee is a good thing among friends, as long as it is done tastefully within the spirit of brotherhood. Many ol` timers around the barbecue and sausge making sites have expressed a desire to have a spot to sound off with some "tall tales" once in a while. My friend Steelchef in Canada and I have carried on a friendly banter for quite a while. We speak on the phone every few days and recently he suggested making a "sticky" out of this topic. So... here we go! If you have a good story to tell or simply want to "stretch the truth" a little (as I do), then please join us here. Above all... have some fun! I`d like to start it off with posting a few of my ideas of how history "should have been".
Best Wishes,
Chuckwagon
History the way it really, really, was! (or should have been)!
"Butch Cratchity And The Sunburned Kid"
At times, down through history, real facts have become easily distorted. For instance, it really wasn`t Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid who robbed the payroll in my hometown - as reported to every third-grade history student. No, no, noooo indeed! Long ago, I took it upon myself to straighten out all these historical blunders! Yes, yes... and only I... Chuckwagon - history intransigent sui generis extraordinaire - will soon put an end to this preposterous, pagan poppycock... baseless, infuriating balderdash, and erroneous, whimsical nonsense!
You see, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid were incorrigible phonies! They were actually thrust into history books in a nasty conspiracy designed to confuse the western population. Both failed sausage-makers by trade, they made the worst wurst, sad, synthetic salami, and the most hideously horrible hot dogs in hooligan holdup history! Their caustic, "killer kielbasa" contained something called molecular acid, and their "corrosive concoction" often burned holes right through their grinding machine.
You see, the genuine desperados... the real banditos... who really robbed the payroll, blew up a train, and hid out in Robber`s Roost were actually... Butch Cratchity and the Sunburned Kid - the second and third cousins of my grandmother`s sister`s husband`s father`s kid - a mediocre jazz pianist kicked out of a second-rate blues band from Saddleblanket Bend, New Mexico.
Now most folks in these parts say that Butch Cratchity was really an amiable and amicable sort of saddlebum who later became an antagonistic, apostate, apoplectic... the direct result of a harsh and punitive case of harrowing, hindering, HEMORRHOIDS!... caused by his scabrous and stubbled saddle. And it was often said that the obdurate outlaw would often slam doors in front of ladies, steal candy from kids on Halloween, and put soap in the town`s drinking water from time to time - all the prescriptive performance of pervasive pain!
Unfortunately, it wasn`t until 1899 that Butch was introduced to Doc Bosco B. Bunswarmer`s "Compound Concoction H", and finally found relief... eventually becoming a normal outlaw able to perform robberies and other less furtive felonies with some semblance of revealing criminal refinement. Oh yes... the demise of the Sunburned Kid and Ol` Butch Cratchity? Well pards, it seems they had their clocks cancelled by an irate group of jealous, hostile, husbands known as the "Robber`s Roost Roosters". As one of the "Roosters` put it, "These boys were hung... and everyone knew it"!
Best Wishes,
Chuckwagon
Here`s your chance to "stretch the truth"!
________________
Hi Folks,
I don`t know about you, but I believe life is just too short not to have a good chuckle once in a while and do a little "leg pulling" with good friends. I believe that a little teasing and repartee is a good thing among friends, as long as it is done tastefully within the spirit of brotherhood. Many ol` timers around the barbecue and sausge making sites have expressed a desire to have a spot to sound off with some "tall tales" once in a while. My friend Steelchef in Canada and I have carried on a friendly banter for quite a while. We speak on the phone every few days and recently he suggested making a "sticky" out of this topic. So... here we go! If you have a good story to tell or simply want to "stretch the truth" a little (as I do), then please join us here. Above all... have some fun! I`d like to start it off with posting a few of my ideas of how history "should have been".
Best Wishes,
Chuckwagon
History the way it really, really, was! (or should have been)!
"Butch Cratchity And The Sunburned Kid"
At times, down through history, real facts have become easily distorted. For instance, it really wasn`t Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid who robbed the payroll in my hometown - as reported to every third-grade history student. No, no, noooo indeed! Long ago, I took it upon myself to straighten out all these historical blunders! Yes, yes... and only I... Chuckwagon - history intransigent sui generis extraordinaire - will soon put an end to this preposterous, pagan poppycock... baseless, infuriating balderdash, and erroneous, whimsical nonsense!
You see, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid were incorrigible phonies! They were actually thrust into history books in a nasty conspiracy designed to confuse the western population. Both failed sausage-makers by trade, they made the worst wurst, sad, synthetic salami, and the most hideously horrible hot dogs in hooligan holdup history! Their caustic, "killer kielbasa" contained something called molecular acid, and their "corrosive concoction" often burned holes right through their grinding machine.
You see, the genuine desperados... the real banditos... who really robbed the payroll, blew up a train, and hid out in Robber`s Roost were actually... Butch Cratchity and the Sunburned Kid - the second and third cousins of my grandmother`s sister`s husband`s father`s kid - a mediocre jazz pianist kicked out of a second-rate blues band from Saddleblanket Bend, New Mexico.
Now most folks in these parts say that Butch Cratchity was really an amiable and amicable sort of saddlebum who later became an antagonistic, apostate, apoplectic... the direct result of a harsh and punitive case of harrowing, hindering, HEMORRHOIDS!... caused by his scabrous and stubbled saddle. And it was often said that the obdurate outlaw would often slam doors in front of ladies, steal candy from kids on Halloween, and put soap in the town`s drinking water from time to time - all the prescriptive performance of pervasive pain!
Unfortunately, it wasn`t until 1899 that Butch was introduced to Doc Bosco B. Bunswarmer`s "Compound Concoction H", and finally found relief... eventually becoming a normal outlaw able to perform robberies and other less furtive felonies with some semblance of revealing criminal refinement. Oh yes... the demise of the Sunburned Kid and Ol` Butch Cratchity? Well pards, it seems they had their clocks cancelled by an irate group of jealous, hostile, husbands known as the "Robber`s Roost Roosters". As one of the "Roosters` put it, "These boys were hung... and everyone knew it"!
Best Wishes,
Chuckwagon