This should be funny

Post by **Butterbean** » Thu Nov 09, 2017 15:37

I've been making a fair amount of venison jerky lately and been having a bit of fun experimenting with different spice combinations and things. The other afternoon I brought some of the jerky to a little event that involved copious amounts of beer and liquor and the jerky got great reviews (granted it could have been the alcohol talking) but there was this guy there - a friend - who claimed my "HOT" jerky wasn't hot at all. I'm sure everyone knows this type of guy who has make claims of bigger and better and all that stuff. As it went, he wanted me to make some jerky even hotter. Something that would quench his hunger for spicy foods. With that in mind I had my quest.

The jerky marinade I made had black, white, bird's eye, arbol, cayenne, puya, sricacha, reaper and chili peppers in it. I tasted this marinade and though - it was in its diluted form - it filled all parts of my mouth with heat and had a nice flavor to it. After letting the meat marinade overnight I began to rack the jerky when I again tasted the sauce and though I thought it good and hot I could hear this fella yakking that it wasn't hot enough so I decided to carry things to the next level and made a finishing sauce which was a compination of Reaper, Born Stupit, Death Mamba and Mutant Mash sauces. This was mixed together into a paste and extreme care was taken not to get any on my hands, eyes or God forbid my private parts. The fumes made my eyes water but at 2.2 million Schoville units this is to be expected.

Anyhow, I plan on presenting this to this fella in the near future when there are plenty of witnesses so we can see if this is hot enough for him. I also plan on handing him the jerky painted side up so his tongue doesn't warn him of the heat till its to late. Of course, it might not be hot enough for him.

Here is a picture of the finishing sauce.

Post by **Bob K** » Fri Nov 10, 2017 14:41

You should have someone film the taste test

Post by **redzed** » Fri Nov 10, 2017 17:35

I'd like to see the expression on his face when he starts chewing! I like a bit of heat in some foods but there are also other flavours to enjoy. The one advantage here is that you can probably use any meat, including snow geese when making jerky that hot.

Post by **Butterbean** » Sun Nov 12, 2017 13:55

After drying and tasting I felt the jerky was hot but just not hot enough and I could here this fella say, "that ain't hot, I've had hotter" so I returned to the drawing board and rather than painting the jerky with a finishing sauce I let it soak in a new marinade and improved marinade which is pretty extreme.

Haven't given it to the guy yet but my son and I both tested a quarter sized piece and it is pretty intense. As it first enters your mouth the ribbon cane syrup and the tupelo honey gives you the false idea that it is just a sweet innocent thing - like some women I've known. But just as these women seemed meek and mild in the beginning the crazy comes out when their wrath is unleashed.

With each chew your mouth is met by new pepper profiles from the 9 pepper combination and after three chews you think to yourself she can't get more crazy than this - but like a psycho woman she does. As tears form in your eyes you think it just can't get any hotter than this and it doesn't. No, every region of your mouth is in some sort of sensory overload and there must be some mechanism in the human body that prevents your taste buds from going past a certain limit because it somehow stops but migrates to your lips - numbing them like Novocaine. But that's not the end of it. No, it it doesn't stop here because your lips are so small. It moves to your cheeks and your face flushes with blood and the tears - manly tears - can't even quench this.

The whole experience is intense and we timed it and found the quarter sized pieces have an intensity that lasts 10 minutes before it subsiding leaving you the warped desire to to take another bite.

I've named this jerky Two Dollar Pistol after the song by George Jones. She is hot and barring adding pure Carolina Reaper extract I don't see how I can make it any hotter.

I'm going to do my best to film this guy eating it. I just hope I don't whet myself.

Post by **Bob K** » Sun Nov 12, 2017 15:05

Butterbean wrote:I'm going to do my best to film this guy eating it.

World's hottest jerky video goes viral on U Tube - Part 2- Burned him a new one

bolepa · Post by **bolepa** » Mon Nov 13, 2017 18:55

"..just a sweet innocent thing - like some women I've known. But just as these women seemed meek and mild in the beginning the crazy comes out when their wrath is unleashed"

Ha-ha-ha!!! Butterbean, I loved your expression on this! Can not wait for you video....

Post by **Butterbean** » Tue Nov 14, 2017 06:26

I didn't get any video of this but I did have fun with it today. A few people actually liked it and were impressed by the "heat" but about four people - including my intended victim - called me a SOB. One even called me a twisted SOB.

It was interesting to see how it affects people differently. One man had tears pouring out his eyes, another got flushed and sweated like he was in a sauna, one smiled like a mule eating briars, but in general most found it bearable and good. I left a bag out on the table where seven people sat and about half kept reaching for more while the other half either kept wiping sweat or tears.

Post by **Butterbean** » Sun Nov 19, 2017 23:24

Had a good laugh last night watching someone eat this jerky. In fairness, I warned everyone it was hot but this one young kid who is a bit of a pig took a big piece and I cut him a quarter sized piece and he stuck it in his mouth and said this tastes good and then shoved the whole sleeve of jerky in his mouth rather hoggishly. After about a minute the heat kicked in and the rodeo was on. We all fell out laughing at him as he tried to cool his mouth. 30 minutes later he still complained that his mouth was hot. It was hilarious.