Duck Hunting!

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Post by Chuckwagon » Tue Jul 29, 2014 22:40

ductus exemplo ficta voluptatis causa sint proxima veris :shock:
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it probably needs more time on the grill! :D
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Post by el Ducko » Wed Jul 30, 2014 01:09

Chuckwagon wrote:ductus exemplo ficta voluptatis causa sint proxima veris :shock:
Say what?
(Google Translate says it means "Led by the example of the genuine pleasure to be next spring")
Well.... thanks, Dearie, I guess.
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Post by Chuckwagon » Wed Jul 30, 2014 06:00

Google translating what? :roll:
Duckster, it means: Your path is exemplary but your fiction should approximate the truth! :lol:
I don't know how to say, "Dang Rabid Duck" in Latin! But shucks, I know how to say it in "cowboy"... so here goes:
"Dang Rabid Duck" Image
Last edited by Chuckwagon on Mon Aug 04, 2014 05:35, edited 1 time in total.
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it probably needs more time on the grill! :D
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Post by el Ducko » Thu Jul 31, 2014 12:48

Yikes! Somebody hijacked my ceviche recipe!
Oh! Wait! Relax. It was only Chuckwagon. (see http://wedlinydomowe.pl/en/viewtopic.php?p=27719#27719)

...pesky varmint. It's getting to where you can't trust... uh...
Well, okay, it IS a good recipe, and okay, maybe this travelogue may have gone on long past its "use or discard by..." date, and he may be the all-powerful moderator, and... but still...

(Sigh.) Stay tuned, folks. ...and thanks, CW, for being the Beloved Moderator and doing all that you do.
(There. Was that thick enough? Phew! ...glad THAT's over. Uh... gurgle... )("Cleanup on aisle one.")
:mrgreen:

Sorry Duk! It was in cyberspace.... OOOOooooooo! :roll:

Ceviche Recipe
After a hard day on the trail, or seeing the sights, or just idly sitting around translating Latin, you could probably use a refreshing snack. What better than ceviche ("Say-Vee-Chay")and a cold beer? After all, ducks LOVE fish. ...and beer.

The ideal place is the Pacific port of Buenaventura, which is just across the Cordillera Occidental range of the Andes mountains, west of Cali. It`s only 125 kilometers away, but it takes 2 1/2 hours to drive there. Yikes! You could go, but we didn`t. We let the sea come to us! A local restaurant about a block away from the hotel featured delicious ceviche.

The following recipe is simple, yet tasty. It also makes enough to feed a small army, so scale it back. (This recipe is enough for four to six people.) Rick Bayless and that pesky Mexican crowd may put ketchup and olives and such in their ceviche, but WE know better. ...right?
  • 1 lb. fresh, skinless, filleted ocean fish with white flesh, such as snapper, sea bass, halibut, or corvina (or use 1/2 pound fish and 1/2 pound small to medium shrimp, peeled and de-veined) ...should be as fresh as is available.
    1-1/2 cups lime juice
    1 medium white onion, chopped into 1/4 inch pieces
    1 to 2 Serrano pepper, or 1 jalapeno pepper, seeded and chopped
    Sprinkle of fresh cilantro
    1 garlic clove, crushed (optional)
    Salt to taste (1/4 tsp or less)
    Lettuce garnish (optional)
Cut the fish fillets into 1/2- to 1-inch pieces, and place them in a glass or stainless steel bowl. Add the peeled, deveined shrimp if used. Add lime juice to cover and float the seafood. Cover, place in refrigerator, and chill for 4 hours.

Drain off the lime juice. Add the chopped onion, peppers, cilantro, garlic, and salt. Toss. Chill in refrigerator if not served immediately. Serve in a martini glass or small bowl, somewhere between cold and room temperature, garnished with lettuce if desired, with saltine crackers.
:mrgreen:
Last edited by el Ducko on Fri Aug 01, 2014 05:33, edited 2 times in total.
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Post by el Ducko » Thu Jul 31, 2014 12:57

North, to Cartagena
The day after the four-day wedding festivities ended, Beloved Spouse and I flew northward to the Caribbean Coast, to the historic old port of Cartagena. Much history was made there, or passed through there on the way to and from the old and new worlds.

There are municipal buildings dating back to 1508. Much of the treasure plundered by the Spanish went through there on the way to line the pockets of the Spaniards and the Catholic Church. Pirates who preyed on the Spanish plunderers got plundered, themselves, here. The British, French, the Dutch were all in on the action, notably that famous duck pirate, Francis Drake. And, in slightly later days, unfortunately, the African slave trade flourished in Cartagena and throughout the Caribbean. These days, the people of Cartagena plunder mostly tourists, and those who do it are descendants of mixed Spanish, Indian, and African descent.

This area, its music, food, and culture enjoyed by much of the world, are all a part of the Caribbean region not to be missed. The laid-back attitude, the liveliness... Not to mention the beautiful beaches, architecture, and... Did I mention the food? In addition to the food of Cali, Cartagena includes copious quantities of fish and seafood. ...sausages too, of course. In a Greek restaurant, I ate the equivalent of a gyros sandwich made from the local chorizo, complete with tzatziki sauce and red onions, wrapped in a pita. ...bit of a change from a steady diet of arepas.

We took a city bus tour, then a walking tour of the historic district. The old houses were built right out to (and over, on the second floor) the narrow sidewalks, but if you looked in through the occasional door or window, you could see a beautifully planted tropical courtyard inside. A Spanish colonial style feature, the balcony, was everywhere, often covered with flowering bougainvillea vines. There were churches, of course, a "Palace of the Inquisition," municipal administrative and tax collection buildings, a Municipal Theater building, dating way back. There were old forts, walls, cannon emplacements, even an undersea wall constructed to keep enemy warships out of one approach to the harbor. ...a fascinating town.

The "rules" for pedestrians should be explained. Most of the water and sewer utilities, being old, are buried in the sidewalks. The newer stuff is buried in the streets. As a result, you take your life in your hands if you look up from where you are walking. You can trip, twist an ankle, step off a two- foot drop, or fall into an exposed sewer pipe.

Why not walk in the street, or cross to the other side? Well, for one thing, if there's a crosswalk but it's not near a traffic light, or if you step into the street from behind a parked car, you can hear cars two blocks away accelerate, sounding their horns, ready to flatten you. The good news- it scares the vendors off for a bit. The bad news- you can die.

Better to continue on until you reach a crosswalk at a signaled intersection. When you get a green light, and not a moment sooner, step out. This, not the traffic light change. brings most of the cars and motos to a screeching halt. Now YOU can make scary (or rude) noises, safe in your briefly-lived sanctuary. But don't linger. The stop lights go from red to yellow to green here, and yellow appears to be the authorization to take off as fast as you can, especially with a pedestrian present.

The food was great. The first night, I had a sausage plate consisting of pan-fried slices of chorizo, morcilla, a meat-filled empanada, and crushed/fried plantains. The morcilla was dark and rich as expected, but had a nut-like spicing. There appeared to be about ten percent rice filler in it. I normally don't care for blood sausages, having nearly died from the taste and "mouth feel" of a nasty English "black pudding" a number of years ago, but this made up for it. Delicious! The chorizo...? Again, lightly spiced, reasonably mild, this time not cured, but quite tasty.

Rice is eaten with everything. Often it is plain, steamed, short grain white rice, but there are all sorts of variations. There's arroz con coco (coconut water used in preparation, instead of water or broth), arroz con pollo (chicken), arroz con pescado y mariscos (fish and seafood), arroz con just about anything edible. Ducks love rice. Ducks love Colombian food. Does it then follow that ducks love Colombia?
Insert your three-page essay and logic proof derivation here. Professor Charles "Chuck" Wagon and I will stop by your location shortly to grade your submission and sample your latest sausage production, so get the good stuff out.

We`ll be right there.
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Post by HamnCheese » Thu Jul 31, 2014 17:10

Perfessor Ducko,

Here's your dang logic proof derivation:

d/dx (e^x)= lim h->0 [e^(x+h)-e^x]/h = lim h->0 [(e^x)*(e^h) - e^x]/h = e^x*lim h->0 [(e^h-1)]/h

(I obviously cut and paste with abandon - even with no knowledge or understanding of the content!!!)

If you haven't checked out http://www.khanacademy.org you should. Elementary school through University level education, free, and well presented. (Also where I found the formula.)

:wink:

Lynn
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Post by el Ducko » Thu Jul 31, 2014 19:51

We'll be right there, Lynn. (Ready, Chuckles, ol' pal?)
(Whataya mean, "no"? This is a legitimate business expense, fer a change, and therefore fully deductible. ...dee-duck-dee-duck-duck-table.)

Hmmmm...
Sorry, Lynn, but this might take a bit longer than I thought. His hind-ness, uh, highness, is a bit tied up at the moment.
...hopefully just tight enough to cut off circulation to his...
UhOh! YEOW!!!
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Post by HamnCheese » Thu Jul 31, 2014 21:19

Perfessor Ducko,

Y'aint calling him by the right name.....try "Your Highnesty!"
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Post by el Ducko » Fri Aug 01, 2014 02:56

Fruits, Sausages, Cow Parts and Byproducts
When you go to the tropics, the first thing you think of is rum drinks. (Check.) The second, and more important, thing that you think of is tropical fruits. Let`s list a few, many of which we are able to buy in the USA at a premium, all of them picked green and shipped. In Colombia, they are picked when they ripen, and the result is an order of magnitude tastier.

For example, mangoes- - I might have turned into a mango, had I stayed any longer in Mexico, years back. Colombian mangoes are even more seductive. Our host claimed that there are seven different kinds. I couldn`t tell the difference, other than all were sweeter and more flavorful than what we get in the States. Mango juice (jugo de mango) was a breakfast staple. Then, there were the pineapples (piñas), which are unbelievably sweet and considerably less acid when field ripened. Sliced, they can`t be beat.

People habitually add sugar to juices (cane sugar is a major crop), and anyone who has had a "Mexican Coke" (Coca Cola bottled anywhere outside of the USA) knows what I`m talking about, even if they don`t care for the soft drink. A little cane sugar in fresh-squeezed juice, be it mango, papaya, pineapple, watermelon, orange, or the widely-available lime juice (also tree-ripened), is heaven in a glass.

Grocery stores are a sausage makers` delight in Colombia. You can buy just about any beast part, many of them of cow origin, that you desire. The grand-kids and I speculated about whether we could buy enough parts to reassemble a cow and, if so, would their allowance cover it? ...and then, how would we get poor Franken-Cow onto the plane for the trip home? (Un)Fortunately, Grandma had other ideas, and we were overruled. Can`t you just imagine, though, boarding the latest model Airbus with a cow`s head (cabeza de vaca) under your arm?

Speaking of which... Well, okay, thinking about how to sneak in, er, bring back grocery items and get them past both the TSA and the Department of Agriculture, I am reminded of the time that we brought a pump specialist from a subsidiary chemical plant in Mexico into the USA for some help. The Border Patrol officer asked him, in English, what his job was and he puffed out his chest and answered proudly in Spanish, "Especialista de Bombas."

Needless to say, he was instantly hauled off to some undisclosed location and it took some "doing" to get him back. Moral of the story- - don't trifle with any of those guys. Number one, they aren't always the brightest and best trained, and number two, I have yet to meet one with a sense of humor. Also, don't try to pet the nice doggie at the Ag Inspection line. They have even less of a sense of humor.

So, how DO you get through the Ag inspection with that prized sausage? Well, if Abuelita (Granny) Rosa made it, chances are that you won't. If you bought it in a grocery store, get the kind that is vacuum plastic sealed, and don't open it until you get home. Buy some other stuff, too, like crackers and candy and chips and such innocuous stuff. ...but not fresh vegetables, fruits, or meat. Bring only commercially-packaged, preferably sealed and odor-free, items.

...and what happens if you don't declare it? If you're like me, and if it's a slow day, the guilty look on your face will cause them to stop you, and you may be subject to a fine. Therefore, consider doing yourself a favor, and slip it into your wife's luggage when she's not looking.

NO !!! Simply write on the declaration card that you have filled out for the nice, highly-dedicated, somewhat-trained young officer, "commercially packaged food items." The friendly doggies can't smell what you have, and hopefully the guy is bored out of his skull anyway. At worst, he'll ask you what you bought, and you can tell him. ...although I would wait until last of the litany before I mumbled the word 'sausage.' If he makes you lay it out, no problem. If he confiscates it, no problem, and no fine because you declared it. But, to be honest, I have never had it come to this. Usually the guy squints at the paper and waves me on through.

...which reminds me of the time that I made a quick trip to Mexico, came back, handed over the paper, and the guy looked at it. I had stated that I had spent an estimated $25. He looked at my overnight suitcase, and chuckled. "You must be a heck of a fun guy to hang out with," he said, and waved me through. Thinking back, I should have said something clever like "...buy one onyx chess set and you've bought 'em all." ...but if I had done it, I'd probably still be in jail. Never before nor since have I seen another sarcastic Ag Inspector.

More, later. I`m starting to get hungry, just talking about the trip. Those fruits...
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Stranded!

Post by el Ducko » Sun Aug 03, 2014 17:57

Stranded!
We stopped at a hole-in-the-wall restaurant in Cartagena after a hard morning of museum-ing, hot and hungry and low on cash. The handwritten placard out front advertised lomo cerdo (pork loin), pollo asado (roasted chicken), or pescado fritado (fried fish) with one of several sides (coconut or some other version of rice) and a salad and drink for less than half the fancier restaurants' prices. Usually health conscious, we instead decided to risk it all. We went in, sat down, ordered, and in five minutes began what turned out to be a delicious meal. Unbelievably, we didn't have a single bout of upset tummy this trip. In a normal traveling group, at least 20% will get sick, particularly south of the border, and often quite a bit more people than that, but this far south of the border, things are impressively sanitary.

...and tasty. Next night, I had a crepe filled with spinach and feta cheese, as perfectly cooked as you would expect in an upscale French restaurant, except that it was better. There were mushrooms and sun-dried tomatoes on top, and a sauce made from the local molasses which I seriously thought was tamarind-based. I had a Roquefort salad and, to drink, a "limonada naturél," fresh-squeezed lime juice with just a touch of cane sugar. The bill came to 21,000 Colombian pesos! Yikes! ...except that you divide by 2,000 or so to get the USD$ cost, a bit more than ten bucks for what would have cost at least $25 back in the USA. Sadly, I forgot to order rice. ...marked us as tourists, no doubt.

Embarrassed, we stumbled down the street, covered our faces so we wouldn't be seen, went into McDonald's and got kid-sized arequipe (leche quemada, i.e. scalded milk, which is caramel) ice cream sundaes. Stumbling back toward the hotel, we stumbled into the first grocery store that we had seen in Cartegena. I checked out the sausages, of course, but didn't see anything new or worth smuggling home. We bought some maiz amarillo (yellow corn meal) so we can make arepas de choclo when we get home.

So much for an exciting night on the town, hangin' out with el Ducko.

- - --

In the days since, we accidentally had to stay in Cali for three extra days, due to an airline ticket fowl-up. ...foul-up. Whatever.

Who cares?- - I love this place. We went up into the mountains again, toward Buenaventura and the Pacific Ocean, this time to a beautiful mountain lake, a hydroelectric project called Lago Calima, named after the local Indian tribe that also lent its name to Cali. There's a steady, stiff wind that blows up from the ocean into the mountains, just right for the local kite-surfing enthusiasts. There were about twenty of them out, their multi-colored kites flying in all directions, yanking arms out of sockets, surely. The scenery was beautiful, lush green with flowering trees in the higher elevations, vegetable patches here and there, and sugar cane fields way back behind us, in the valley. The mountains here are not nearly as high as those we saw in Peru on an earlier trip, but they were still plenty rugged. It was a nice, green ruggedness, though, and not the wind-swept alti-plano (high plains) of the high Andes farther south.

For 13 thousand pesos, about seven bucks, we got charcoal-grilled pollo asado (roasted chicken), plus the usual salcocho (soup), potatoes, rice, plantains, and a drink. Beloved Spouse and I split an order, couldn't finish it all, and wondered how in the world there were enough chickens within the borders of Colombia to satisfy demand. You see a lot of chicken breeding "farms" from the air, on takeoff and landing. Serves 'em right, I guess, for not being organized, like ducks. We stopped for paletas (popsicles) and helados (ice cream) on the way back.

Life as a duck continues to be good, with momentary flashes of greatness. Sausages, fruits, and ice cream- - what a great place.
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Post by el Ducko » Tue Aug 05, 2014 15:29

Headed Home - - or - - Let`s Wind this Thing Up!
July 20th, we celebrated Colombian Independence Day with street fairs and traffic jams. They close down one or two lanes each way on what passes for freeways, every Sunday morning in Cali. The entire city turns out, and today especially, everyone and their duck was out there, pedaling and paddling away. The noon meal's delicious roast chicken and rice, followed by an evening meal of delicious roasted chicken and rice from a different place, brought home a couple of interesting facts. One, it's time to go home. Everything is beginning to taste like chicken and rice. Two, we're running out of money. ...and three, I miss my favorite breakfast of scrambled eggs and Mexican-style chorizo on a yellow corn tortilla.

Staying at our daughter's new mother-in-law's house in the southern part of Cali, we enjoy the sounds of the neighborhood. Here comes the local bread vendor, singing "Pan de Oro!" at, not the top of his lungs, but in a voice that carries. The watchman comes by on his "moto," a small thing that, if required to chase the bad guys away, might start them laughing instead of running. Down the street, a man is washing his "escolar" bus, a privately-owned 12 passenger model school bus that he drives for a fee. Along the northern perimeter of the neighborhood, there is a shopping center with an "LA-14" mega-store, the Colombian version of "WallyWorld," plus ten or fifteen shops for getting your hair done or for buying chicken meals. Malls attract teens on "motos," just like pools of stagnant water attract mosquitoes, except that the buzz is louder.

In the other direction, a few cows graze while construction workers slowly, almost painfully, build more houses for the subdivision. Up the street at the neighborhood swim club, kids are laughing, playing, splashing. Everyone you pass on the street offers a friendly "buen... dia..." with its last syllables carefully clipped. Eyes follow you. I feel secure in that. The neighborhood is a living, breathing, seeing organism, and on its next breath outward, I, a foreign object, will be gone.

- - -

What unexpected luck- - the women have decided to go shopping, our last evening in Cali. Yeah, bad news for the bank account, but hey! ...what price freedom? Off my leash at last, I grab a cold "Poker" beer from the fridge, and begin to plot my escape route. Half an hour later and three blocks away (sigh), I walk up to the hot dog stand at the mall and order a "perro caliente combo," mall food it its finest, a hot dog with fries and the works, and a local soda. They serve 'em with ketchup, a little mustard, onion, a little sweet relish, and slaw with a sweet mayo-based lubricant. ...not bad, washed down with a neon-colored creme soda. So much for low-budget, last-minute sausage testing.

Next, I checked out the aforementioned LA-14 megastore. The bakery department yielded some goodies which I packed back to the house. There was a meat empanada and a tuna empanada, nuked together for 22 seconds, which were pretty good. (They would have been better in the toaster oven.) Next was one of the greatest of many great contributions that the French have made to society, the butter croissant. We're talking the real thing here, rolled thin, buttered cold, folded, repeated about a thousand times. ...light, flavorful, completely unlike those nasty yeast-risen imitations produced back in the U. S. of A. These things are even better than Ross Hill's baking creations, if you can believe that.

I struggled with my last choice. I have been known to hike several kilometers, no, miles, through French neighborhoods in search of the perfect croissant-au-chocolat. Trouble is, just about anything that you can bake into a croissant (Carolina barbecue excepted) tastes wonderful on a croissant. I opted for a cheese croissant and the cheese, a sort of buttery, semi soft local cheese, complimented the bread perfectly. Not to sound like some cheesy food columnist, though, I rate it "purdy dang good" instead of the usual meaningless "bold, yet understated" food snob drivel. Its only fault was that I didn't buy a couple more.

For dessert... Well, I was completely full at that point. I guess I'll have another beer and, when the women get back and ask what I had for dinner, I'll smile and say "Oh, not much." It's not lying, is it, if Beloved Spouse, who is gluten intolerant, can't eat it, right?

Of course, right! (And whew! ...what a sentence!)

We finally were able to fly out, three days late, for an extra five hundred bucks. With that kind of fee, and with charging extra for luggage, how in the world the airlines all go bankrupt is beyond me. Having missed our connection by three days, we rented a car and drove northward through bumper-to-bumper traffic and rain deluges, 700 miles, from Miami to North Carolina. There was a pleasant overnight stay in a dump in Saint Augustine, where Beloved Spouse and I relived a visit that we`d had forty five years earlier during my brief but brilliant two year military career. The fish was good, but there was no rice, no fruit, no...
  • Aw, phooey. We`re back. It`s over.
So, in conclusion... Uh... Where did we start this thing? Oh, yeah- - consider vacationing in Colombia. Make friends who are from there, beforehand, and you can easily quadruple the experience. These days, Colombia is once again a nice place to visit. It's safe and relatively inexpensive, the people are friendly, and the food is excellent. ...especially (if you dare) when you tell 'em that el Ducko sent you. (The response will be predictable: "Huh?")

...and when you order, don't forget the rice.
  • This ends the multi-part epic narrative of el Ducko`s adventures in Colombia. Be sure to watch for the epic motion picture starring ....Dah ta duh Daaah!.... el Ducko, soon to be featured at a theater near you.
    The usual fine print applies. Void where prohibited by law. (...or good taste.)
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Post by Shuswap » Tue Aug 05, 2014 20:05

Fun reading Duk. Your reference to soda reminded us of our stay in Cuenca Ecaudor. It was night time and we were walking the streets outside the hotel and came across a vendor that had Pepsi. I was all for a nightcap and had the rum back in the room. The vendor opened the bottle and poured the Pepsi into a plastic bag, which we carefully carried back to the hotel whilst laughing about it.
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Post by el Ducko » Wed Aug 13, 2014 03:17

The REAL answer to #27 is as follows:
Image
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Post by grasshopper » Wed Aug 13, 2014 03:31

That is oooh so good. CW gave us no choice on #27. The jury is still out on the subject, I think.
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WD Website Sold in Surprise Move

Post by el Ducko » Thu Aug 14, 2014 20:35

Officials at popular website Wedliny Domowe announced today, in a surprise move, the purchase of the website by "Gastroenterology Today," a popular press purveyor of similar intestinal information. "We were seeking a more affluent audience, and GI Today filled the bill... as well as paid it on time," a spokesman for wedlinydomowe.pl/en/ said earlier this morning. "Fer Chrissakes, some of those pesky WD people even make their own bread!" He could not be reached for further comment, pending contact with his next-of-kin.

Meanwhile, watch for upcoming, hard-hitting editorial commentary on how myosin matters in many myopic mice. Newly-hired staff member E. Bola, just in from Africa, will take over microbiology comment duties from former moderator Chuck E. Wagon, who will be named to the post of Moderator-Emeritus-At-Large due to recent weight gain. The post of Moderator has not been filled, as of this writing. (Rumors are that no one wanted the thankless position.)

Former owners of the WD website have all retired to Florida, where they write sausage-based magic books. No! ...Bookmagic-based sausage books. (...LLC, even.) A core group of supporters from the base site in Poland have relocated to the town of Nigdzie (aw, go ahead- - look it up! ...before the jokes get worse!).

Markets were off moderately on word of the purchase, which was rumored to involve literally tens of dollars.
:mrgreen:
Last edited by el Ducko on Thu Aug 14, 2014 21:26, edited 1 time in total.
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